Indelible Ink

“Welcome to your new addiction,” Miguel said as he handed me a packet of ointment and a booklet containing instructions on how to care for my new tattoo. The guys in the shop and I laughed, but I already suspected that it might not be so far from the truth…

For my birthday this year, my little brother offered to pay for me to get a tattoo. “Anything you want, anywhere you want,” he said as we sat around the kitchen table one morning. It was early February and we were both home visiting my parents. He was to leave for his second round in the “War on Terror,” in just a couple weeks.

Gab got his first tattoo just a couple months out of boot camp. He designed it himself: a blend of Christian symbols including a trinity, a good and bad angel, a row of stars, etc. Over the next couple years, he continued to expand all the way up his arm and across his chest. He added a detailed image of the four horsemen of the Apocalypse and a bible verse, “Guard Your Heart,” across his chest. I love his artwork, but wasn’t that sure if I was ready to make the commitment just yet.

“Let me think about it,” I told him. “I’ll let you know when you get back.”

He left the day after Valentine’s Day and I kept the offer in the back of my mind. I spent the next several months toying with design and placement ideas. I’d occasionally run Google searches or check out tattoos on friends and in celebrity web galleries. I pictured what it would look like on me, and whether or not I was ready to live with what I picked for the rest of my life.

Gab came home a few weeks ago and I took a week off work to go visit him and my family in NJ. I drove up with my friend who was also going home to visit his parents (or rather, he drove and I entertained him with my witty repartee and off-key singing). Somewhere along Exit 4 on the Turnpike I turned to him and announced that I would be getting tattooed that week. I’d literally made the decision about three seconds before I told him, and voicing it was my way of not changing my mind.

“Really?” He asked, not all that surprised. “That’s cool. Of what?”

“Eh…I haven’t really decided yet…”

When I got home, I told my brother that I was ready and he said that he’d take me to the place where he’d gotten some of his ink, Starlight Tattoo. I still hadn’t decided what I wanted, but I was fine with that. I tend to be the kind of person who will waver about something for a long time and then suddenly wake up and decide to just do it. And those last minute decisions have always been some of the best.

By Tuesday I’d decided that I wanted something my brother had too. I thought about getting the words “Guard Your Heart” across my lower belly. Then I thought I might like to get the row of stars along my lower spine. Finally, I decided on an all-black trinity knot on the small of my back. I spent some time playing around with versions of what Gab had until I settled on a final design.

The shop was about five minutes from our parents’ house and surprisingly bright and airy. Gab had called beforehand so Miguel was expecting us. He had long hair, a bandana, and a piercing in the middle of his forehead. Like the rest of the artists who were milling about the studio, he was covered in tattoos and piercings. They all stood around teasing me and admiring my brother’s work. I was surprised by how sweet they all were despite their somewhat scary appearances.

When he was ready, Miguel called me to the back room and had me lower my skirt. He placed the tracing on my back and once I was happy with it, told me to straddle the chair. “Don’t worry,” he said when I told him this was my first time. “Virgins are my specialty and I’ve been told I have a really light hand.”

Gab stood in front of me and held my hand. When I heard the vibrating sound of the needle my stomach started to turn. I held my breath and squeezed Gab’s hand as Miguel traced the first line. The pain was sharp and hot, but not as bad as I’d imagined. “Breathe, honey,” Miguel warned. “I don’t want you to pass out…”

I exhaled and looked up at Gab who snapped a pic of me looking particularly doe-eyed with his cell. I could feel my stomach trembling as Miguel worked the needle over my back. Slowly I started to relax. After a couple minutes my body opened itself up to the pain. Soon I realized that it really didn’t hurt that much. In a strange way, the feeling was kind of amazing.

I felt a little bit dizzy from the adrenaline and once Miguel announced that he was done I felt a little disappointed. I instantly wanted more. I stood in front of the mirror and twisted my head back to see it.

I loved it.

When I walked out, the other guys in the shop congratulated me and took turns giving me hugs. “Now you’re part of the club,” they said.

It’s been a week and it’s just about healed. This morning I stepped out of the shower and caught a glimpse of my reflection in the bathroom mirror. I was surprised by how natural it looked. It’s already become a part of me.

And I’m already daydreaming about my next one…